Twenty-three weeks and five days! We definitely have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Everything has been going well. Doctor's appointments and ultrasounds have all been good, including an extra visit we had a couple weeks ago. After a particularly active weekend for baby, he was quieter Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning. I was still feeling him move around, but not as frequently, and Dr W keeps saying to call if anything seems different at all, so I called to check. I thought the nurse would just say that as along as I was feeling him not to worry, but Dr W wanted me to come in just to check that everything was going ok. The NP did a quick ultrasound and said everything was fine. And since then he's been a busy boy. I think he was just tired from his busy weekend!
The milestone of 22/23 weeks has been a... weird one. Most people wouldn't consider it a milestone at all, and wouldn't even know why it might be one. But most preemie mamas probably do. Twenty-two weeks is the earliest that a baby can possibly survive outside the womb. Not all hospitals or doctors will give them a chance that early, but some will, if the baby shows the will. I don't want to be a part of the population that considers this a milestone. I tried not to think about it, and I knew my husband wouldn't want to hear about it, but here we are. This is our life, and knowing our baby is potentially "viable" outside the womb is some weird, small comfort, even if we don't want to acknowledge it. Of course we're praying every day that this pregnancy will be a full-term, healthy pregnancy, but the reality is that, from here on out, our baby boy's chances get better with every passing day.
Other than that, we're just riding along, counting the weeks. My blood pressure has been nice and low, and my belly has been growing. My worries, for the most part, have been pretty calm, and some of them even normal for a typical pregnancy! For example, what to do with M when baby makes his debut. Of course, all my worrying now doesn't matter, because I still don't know whether I'll need a scheduled c-section (I'm not sure whether the type of c-section I had last time will allow for a VBAC), if I'll go into labor on my own, or whether I'll have to have a c-section because I don't go into labor on my own. My doctor won't induce labor with a VBAC, so if it doesn't happen on it's own, it will result in a c-section. And that's all assuming we make it to term! So I'm trying to put off worrying, and just know that we have plenty of people who love M and are capable of taking care of her. At least that's something any second time mom might be worrying about! The other challenge has been, since 20 weeks, Dr W wants me to "take it easy" when I get home from work. I'm supposed to have time every day when I sit with my feet up and said that I should maybe be starting to feel a little frustrated at how much I'm on the couch, so as a family we're working on finding that balance. It's definitely a challenge, with a two-year old and a full time job, but we're working it out! So we continue with prayers and positive thoughts, and hope for the best!
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
It's a....
Sorry if there is anyone out there waiting in suspense for the results of our ultrasound! Fortunately, I'm pretty sure there isn't. :) But, either way, we're having a boy! I have been saying all along that I was sure this baby would be a boy. I'm not sure if it was a gut feeling, or just the fact that this pregnancy has been so different, but really, from them moment I had a positive pregnancy test, I had a boy in mind. So when the tech asked if we wanted to know the gender and whether we had any guesses, I immediately said boy, and she just said, "Well, I have to agree with you!" So there you have it. I can honestly say I would have been happy either way, but now that we know for sure, I really am excited for a boy! I keep picturing a little toddler with a mop of curly blonde hair like M's.
In other news, both M and the hubby have been able to feel baby move. I was at 17 wks, 6 days when M felt him, and 18 wks, 3 days when the hubby felt him. It seems really early, but he is one feisty guy! I feel him frequently throughout the day, enough so that the other night, when I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I really hadn't felt him since that afternoon, I had started to worry, and had to distract myself for a good hour until he started moving again and I was able to calm down and go back to sleep. I'm pretty sure I never felt M so much that I felt the need to worry about her after just one evening!
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I am really showing now at almost 19 wks (tomorrow). Although M was born at 28 wks, multiple people have said that I'm showing now more than I ever showed when I was pregnant with her. It's probably true though. I started out 20 lbs heavier, and was doing abs pilates a few times a week, so I had abs of steel! And that is definitely not the case since... hah... Because I never got big with her, I've been wondering whether I would grow more quickly this time around, as most women do with their second pregnancy. Since I didn't ever stretch all that much, I wasn't sure. But here's a picture of me earlier in the week, right around 18 weeks. We're getting there!
In other news, both M and the hubby have been able to feel baby move. I was at 17 wks, 6 days when M felt him, and 18 wks, 3 days when the hubby felt him. It seems really early, but he is one feisty guy! I feel him frequently throughout the day, enough so that the other night, when I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I really hadn't felt him since that afternoon, I had started to worry, and had to distract myself for a good hour until he started moving again and I was able to calm down and go back to sleep. I'm pretty sure I never felt M so much that I felt the need to worry about her after just one evening!
.JPG)
I am really showing now at almost 19 wks (tomorrow). Although M was born at 28 wks, multiple people have said that I'm showing now more than I ever showed when I was pregnant with her. It's probably true though. I started out 20 lbs heavier, and was doing abs pilates a few times a week, so I had abs of steel! And that is definitely not the case since... hah... Because I never got big with her, I've been wondering whether I would grow more quickly this time around, as most women do with their second pregnancy. Since I didn't ever stretch all that much, I wasn't sure. But here's a picture of me earlier in the week, right around 18 weeks. We're getting there!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Deep Breath
Well, good things are happening. :) It's been a week or two, but we got the results of our DNA test back, and they were negative for Down's syndrome and the other things it tested for. I got the call while at work, and it was kind of funny how anti-climatic it seemed after all the decision-making that went into it. I called the hubs and let him know, and that was the end of it. But having one less thing to worry about is definitely a plus.
Also good: I've been checking my blood pressure every day and it has yet to be high at all, much less as high as it was in the doctor's office at my last visit. That is really comforting. There have been a couple times when I've been a little short of breath and been overly aware of my heart beat, but I asked Dr W about that at the last appointment and he confirmed that it's totally normal for pregnancy. I've been feeling really pretty good. I've had some heartburn, and my hips are already getting achy from sleeping on my sides, but all in all, I'd say things are pretty good.
This Tuesday we have our 16 week ultrasound and doctor appointment, and are expecting to find out the gender! I find it hard to believe that they'll already be able to tell at 16 weeks, but two friends I have who have seen specialists both said they were actually pretty sure they were having boys at 12 weeks!! Crazy! I'm still convinced this baby is a boy, so I guess it should be easy to tell, right!
As always, I'm nervous for our upcoming appointment. I know going in that my blood pressure will most likely be high when the nurse takes it. It helps to know that I'll have a whole long list of lower blood pressures to show the dr, but at the same time there is a part of me that doesn't trust my cuff. I use an automatic wrist cuff and I know that it's not flawless. I've checked it against a real one about 4 times, and it's been either a little low or right on every time, so I should be confident in it, but when I go to the doctor's office and get readings that are SO much higher, it's hard to feel confident that it could really be so much lower at home! But obviously, you can see the anxiety my appointments cause so I guess it makes sense!
Really, I get nervous about the whole appointment in general. I don't know why, except maybe that I'm just worried about anything that could have changed in the last month. But I'm nervous for our ultrasound too. I'm really excited to see our baby! But I'm kind of nervous to find out the gender! I'll be happy once we know. I just get nervous about big news like that! Kind of like I'm always happy to have people know I'm pregnant, but I really don't like telling them. Weird huh?
For now, we're trying to decide how we're going to find out the gender and tell our families. M can't come to this ultrasound because the doctor's appointment is afterward and it's going to be a looong afternoon if Dr W is as far behind as usual, and it all starts in the middle of nap time. The hubs wants to find out as a family, and suggested that we have the ultrasound tech put it in an envelope for us to open with her when we get home. I'm not really sure M will understand enough to be excited about it. I kind of like that idea, but I also kind of want to find out right away. So that's still up for discussion. Afterwards, when we get back into town, we'll either tell M then or find out together as a family, then we're going to get together with our parents and my sisters and brother-in-law to tell them the news over dessert. My parents are chomping at the bit to know. There are no boys in our family, so we're all curious to see if this one really is!
Other exciting news: I am DEFINITELY feeling baby movement! I've been pretty sure I've been feeling it faintly actually since maybe 13 weeks, definitely 14 weeks, but this week (15 weeks) I'm really sure, and I can actually say I've been feeling this baby daily already! Which seems odd, because I don't think I ever got to that point with M. The day she was born, the nurse at the doctor's office asked if I'd felt her move at all that day, and I told her no, but I remember that that really didn't surprise me because I was still having days here and there when I wouldn't. In retrospect, I realize that that's probably not normal, but at the time I didn't think much of it. I think a big part of it was that she was so much smaller than they thought she should be at that point in the pregnancy. The hubs said the reason I'm already feeling this one so much is because it's going to be 10 lbs! And I tell him to stop talking because I would like this one to be able to make it out. :P All I know is I can't wait until M can feel the baby moving. It's going to be so much fun! Hopefully it doesn't freak her out... Haha... It's hard to guess what she's going to be scared of these days!
So it's another week of taking it one step at a time, and taking a deep breath and reminding myself to trust God. I've had just an underlying sense of anxiety the past couple of days, and I'm sure that it's because I just need to spend a little time talking to God and focusing on my trust in him. I still believe that this pregnancy is in His hands and that it will go well, but as it becomes more real, with my growing belly and upcoming gender reveal, the anxiety over the possibilities become more real as well. I need to start my "God jar" so that I can write down each anxiety as it comes and put it in God's jar as a physical way of handing it over to Him every day. I know that I may have to put it back on more than one occasion, but I think that phyiscal exercise would really be a good one for me right now. Actually, I'm going to do that now.
As always, prayers are appreciated for a healthy baby and for my body to do it's job!
Also good: I've been checking my blood pressure every day and it has yet to be high at all, much less as high as it was in the doctor's office at my last visit. That is really comforting. There have been a couple times when I've been a little short of breath and been overly aware of my heart beat, but I asked Dr W about that at the last appointment and he confirmed that it's totally normal for pregnancy. I've been feeling really pretty good. I've had some heartburn, and my hips are already getting achy from sleeping on my sides, but all in all, I'd say things are pretty good.
This Tuesday we have our 16 week ultrasound and doctor appointment, and are expecting to find out the gender! I find it hard to believe that they'll already be able to tell at 16 weeks, but two friends I have who have seen specialists both said they were actually pretty sure they were having boys at 12 weeks!! Crazy! I'm still convinced this baby is a boy, so I guess it should be easy to tell, right!
As always, I'm nervous for our upcoming appointment. I know going in that my blood pressure will most likely be high when the nurse takes it. It helps to know that I'll have a whole long list of lower blood pressures to show the dr, but at the same time there is a part of me that doesn't trust my cuff. I use an automatic wrist cuff and I know that it's not flawless. I've checked it against a real one about 4 times, and it's been either a little low or right on every time, so I should be confident in it, but when I go to the doctor's office and get readings that are SO much higher, it's hard to feel confident that it could really be so much lower at home! But obviously, you can see the anxiety my appointments cause so I guess it makes sense!
Really, I get nervous about the whole appointment in general. I don't know why, except maybe that I'm just worried about anything that could have changed in the last month. But I'm nervous for our ultrasound too. I'm really excited to see our baby! But I'm kind of nervous to find out the gender! I'll be happy once we know. I just get nervous about big news like that! Kind of like I'm always happy to have people know I'm pregnant, but I really don't like telling them. Weird huh?
For now, we're trying to decide how we're going to find out the gender and tell our families. M can't come to this ultrasound because the doctor's appointment is afterward and it's going to be a looong afternoon if Dr W is as far behind as usual, and it all starts in the middle of nap time. The hubs wants to find out as a family, and suggested that we have the ultrasound tech put it in an envelope for us to open with her when we get home. I'm not really sure M will understand enough to be excited about it. I kind of like that idea, but I also kind of want to find out right away. So that's still up for discussion. Afterwards, when we get back into town, we'll either tell M then or find out together as a family, then we're going to get together with our parents and my sisters and brother-in-law to tell them the news over dessert. My parents are chomping at the bit to know. There are no boys in our family, so we're all curious to see if this one really is!
Other exciting news: I am DEFINITELY feeling baby movement! I've been pretty sure I've been feeling it faintly actually since maybe 13 weeks, definitely 14 weeks, but this week (15 weeks) I'm really sure, and I can actually say I've been feeling this baby daily already! Which seems odd, because I don't think I ever got to that point with M. The day she was born, the nurse at the doctor's office asked if I'd felt her move at all that day, and I told her no, but I remember that that really didn't surprise me because I was still having days here and there when I wouldn't. In retrospect, I realize that that's probably not normal, but at the time I didn't think much of it. I think a big part of it was that she was so much smaller than they thought she should be at that point in the pregnancy. The hubs said the reason I'm already feeling this one so much is because it's going to be 10 lbs! And I tell him to stop talking because I would like this one to be able to make it out. :P All I know is I can't wait until M can feel the baby moving. It's going to be so much fun! Hopefully it doesn't freak her out... Haha... It's hard to guess what she's going to be scared of these days!
So it's another week of taking it one step at a time, and taking a deep breath and reminding myself to trust God. I've had just an underlying sense of anxiety the past couple of days, and I'm sure that it's because I just need to spend a little time talking to God and focusing on my trust in him. I still believe that this pregnancy is in His hands and that it will go well, but as it becomes more real, with my growing belly and upcoming gender reveal, the anxiety over the possibilities become more real as well. I need to start my "God jar" so that I can write down each anxiety as it comes and put it in God's jar as a physical way of handing it over to Him every day. I know that I may have to put it back on more than one occasion, but I think that phyiscal exercise would really be a good one for me right now. Actually, I'm going to do that now.
As always, prayers are appreciated for a healthy baby and for my body to do it's job!
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
August 29, 2012
So things have felt a little crazy lately. There's so much going on this week! Mostly good, just crazy. We heard back from Dr W last Monday, and he said he wanted me to talk to a genetic counselor about what our testing options are, so we had that appointment on Friday. Basically, it took an hour of talking, giving her a basic family history (and by basic, I mean she mapped out a family tree with details of the health to the extent of grandparents and first cousins), then discussed all of the things she saw that could warrant testing for other things if we would be interested (always something extra to worry about), and then finally got around to the topic of Down syndrome testing, which was why we were there. She basically came to the point herself, without our asking, that while the NT scan as a screen is still considered standard because the DNA test (that I previously referred to as MaterniT21) is so new, it is 99+% accurate and therefore the NT scan really isn't necessary, unless people want it. There are some other minor things that may be picked up in the scan, but those things are typically picked up later in pregnancy as well. So, fortunately, she said without being asked that if we would prefer to have just that test done, without any of the pretesting, that would be fine. And with the lab we're using, which is the only one our hospital uses that does allow the test to be done without pretesting, it's called Harmony. I don't know how naming through different labs works, but whatever. And here's the part that makes me a total nerd, but as a health professional, I think this is just so freaking awesome! She explained to me how they actually complete the test, and it made me wish I could watch them do it so I could see how it's done. She explained that they have known for decades that there are bits of the baby's DNA in the mother's blood, but it has been broken down into pieces, smaller even than whole chromosomes, and until recently they weren't able to isolate those tiny little pieces or do anything with them. Now, they are able to isolate those pieces and actually see if there are more pieces of a particular chromosome (for DS, chromosome 21) and if there are, they know that there are more of that chromosome in the baby's DNA, and therefore a trisomy of that chromosome. Seriously, how cool is that?!? Ok, maybe not to everyone, but I was amazed. Plus, the test is less than a year old. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of excited for my blood to be a part of that...
We actually had that meeting at our local hospital via video chat, and our hospital didn't have the right tubes to draw my blood that day, so I had it drawn at the hospital were my dr is (about 1.25 hrs away) when I saw him Tuesday. Now we wait for 2-2.5 weeks for results.
At that dr appointment, we had our daughter along because the plan was to visit my grandma afterward, who lives near by, and tell her about the baby. We were able to hear the baby's heartbeat (or "heartbeef", according to M) for the first time, and M loved that. We've seen it on 3 ultrasounds now, but there's just something about that sound. It was particularly reassuring at about 158, because that was just after the nurse took my blood pressure and it read 138/98. SERIOUSLY??? That top number is high by not outrageous, but 98?!? That makes me a nervous wreck. Granted, it's always high when I'm in a doctor's office, especially now with being pregnant, because that's what went so wrong during my first pregnancy, but it hasn't been that high since shortly after M was born. So that stressed me out. But when Dr W came in, he didn't seem overly concerned. I told him that when I'd checked my BP at home, it was around 112/70 and he just asked me to check it twice a day and keep a log. If it is consistently over 160/100 then I should call, but if that happens just once here or there it's ok. I have been taking it today and the highest it's been is 118/75. I had a paramedic friend double check my electronic cuff because I think it sometimes reads low, but that was accurate. So that's reassuring to me. It just makes me wonder, is my blood pressure really that reactive to my emotions/environment? Is it more so than the average person? I think it may be.
The other thing Dr W said is that high blood pressure this early in a pregnancy is really not likely to be indicative of pre-e. More likely, it's an indication of an underlying blood pressure problem. Dr P said the same thing with M when my BP originally started going up, because I didn't have other signs of pre-e at that point, but it went back down after she was born. So I don't know. But either way, Dr W didn't seem immediately concerned, and he told us before I even got pregnant that he would put me on bedrest immediately at the slightest indication of possible pre-e, so I trust his judgement and and just going to roll with it. I'm surprisingly not too anxious about it. I was at first, but that afternoon I had a long drive for work, and I spent some time praying and thinking, and just found peace in knowing that God is good and I trust Him exclusively. Granted, at this point, I feel like trusting him means I want to trust Him to bring this pregnancy to term, but I know that no matter what happens, it is for good, and He's got it all planned out. Right now, I have peace in that. Tomorrow, I may need reminding.
In other news, we also received an offer on our house, which has been on the market for a little over a year, on Tuesday. It was a little lower than we are hoping for and we are now in negotiations, but that has been one more stressor. I'm optimistic that we'll be able to find a happy medium and it will turn out well, but the process of trying to make quick decisions and crunch numbers and decide what our lowest acceptable number would really be, not to mention with a two year-old who thinks that NOW is a good time for Mom and Dad to pay attention to her, can be overwhelming. Hopefully though, it will be a good thing. It sure would be nice to have a place to set up baby's room before it gets here!
With all of these things going on (oh, and at work, it's the end of the month so there's lots of paperwork due AND we're moving our office TOMORROW, just in case I needed something else to focus on) things have been a little extra tense with the hubs. It's really hard to go through this pregnancy together, wanting so badly to just be happy and excited, but so afraid that everything could change at the drop of a hat. And it's hard knowing that we basically have no ability to plan for when we'll need to pack up and move out or where exactly we'll be going (most likely to the in-laws' once they head to FL for the winter while we find a house of our own). We stayed up late a night or two ago, and just spent some time talking. We talked about what each of us needs right now, and ways the other can support those needs. I know he feels overwhelmed with work and taking on so much more of the house work, and I feel rotten "taking it easy" after work while he does so much, not to mention having so little energy for M. But my energy is improving, and while I still have to listen to my body and take it easy, I think we may be entering the happy window of the second trimester where I'll be feeling better. Hooray! Anyway, after we talked, things have been better, and both of us are trying to express appreciation for the each other and the ways that the other is affected by everything going on. Hopefully we can maintain that equilibrium and make time to enjoy being a family, as well as a couple. It's a lot to balance, but both of us want more for our marriage than the frustration that comes with stress, and we are working to find productive ways to make our marriage better.
Before I finish, I have to say that while I have been sitting here typing, I swear I just felt the baby move twice. And I'm not talking like a little uncertain flutter. I've been trying to convince myself all week that I've just been feeling gas moving with the little flutters I've felt, because I'm only 12 weeks! But I seriously think what I just felt could have been felt from the outside. No lie. It could still be just gas, but it sure felt like a baby. I just can't believe that I would feel that much at 12 weeks! This baby might be a giant...
We actually had that meeting at our local hospital via video chat, and our hospital didn't have the right tubes to draw my blood that day, so I had it drawn at the hospital were my dr is (about 1.25 hrs away) when I saw him Tuesday. Now we wait for 2-2.5 weeks for results.
At that dr appointment, we had our daughter along because the plan was to visit my grandma afterward, who lives near by, and tell her about the baby. We were able to hear the baby's heartbeat (or "heartbeef", according to M) for the first time, and M loved that. We've seen it on 3 ultrasounds now, but there's just something about that sound. It was particularly reassuring at about 158, because that was just after the nurse took my blood pressure and it read 138/98. SERIOUSLY??? That top number is high by not outrageous, but 98?!? That makes me a nervous wreck. Granted, it's always high when I'm in a doctor's office, especially now with being pregnant, because that's what went so wrong during my first pregnancy, but it hasn't been that high since shortly after M was born. So that stressed me out. But when Dr W came in, he didn't seem overly concerned. I told him that when I'd checked my BP at home, it was around 112/70 and he just asked me to check it twice a day and keep a log. If it is consistently over 160/100 then I should call, but if that happens just once here or there it's ok. I have been taking it today and the highest it's been is 118/75. I had a paramedic friend double check my electronic cuff because I think it sometimes reads low, but that was accurate. So that's reassuring to me. It just makes me wonder, is my blood pressure really that reactive to my emotions/environment? Is it more so than the average person? I think it may be.
The other thing Dr W said is that high blood pressure this early in a pregnancy is really not likely to be indicative of pre-e. More likely, it's an indication of an underlying blood pressure problem. Dr P said the same thing with M when my BP originally started going up, because I didn't have other signs of pre-e at that point, but it went back down after she was born. So I don't know. But either way, Dr W didn't seem immediately concerned, and he told us before I even got pregnant that he would put me on bedrest immediately at the slightest indication of possible pre-e, so I trust his judgement and and just going to roll with it. I'm surprisingly not too anxious about it. I was at first, but that afternoon I had a long drive for work, and I spent some time praying and thinking, and just found peace in knowing that God is good and I trust Him exclusively. Granted, at this point, I feel like trusting him means I want to trust Him to bring this pregnancy to term, but I know that no matter what happens, it is for good, and He's got it all planned out. Right now, I have peace in that. Tomorrow, I may need reminding.
In other news, we also received an offer on our house, which has been on the market for a little over a year, on Tuesday. It was a little lower than we are hoping for and we are now in negotiations, but that has been one more stressor. I'm optimistic that we'll be able to find a happy medium and it will turn out well, but the process of trying to make quick decisions and crunch numbers and decide what our lowest acceptable number would really be, not to mention with a two year-old who thinks that NOW is a good time for Mom and Dad to pay attention to her, can be overwhelming. Hopefully though, it will be a good thing. It sure would be nice to have a place to set up baby's room before it gets here!
With all of these things going on (oh, and at work, it's the end of the month so there's lots of paperwork due AND we're moving our office TOMORROW, just in case I needed something else to focus on) things have been a little extra tense with the hubs. It's really hard to go through this pregnancy together, wanting so badly to just be happy and excited, but so afraid that everything could change at the drop of a hat. And it's hard knowing that we basically have no ability to plan for when we'll need to pack up and move out or where exactly we'll be going (most likely to the in-laws' once they head to FL for the winter while we find a house of our own). We stayed up late a night or two ago, and just spent some time talking. We talked about what each of us needs right now, and ways the other can support those needs. I know he feels overwhelmed with work and taking on so much more of the house work, and I feel rotten "taking it easy" after work while he does so much, not to mention having so little energy for M. But my energy is improving, and while I still have to listen to my body and take it easy, I think we may be entering the happy window of the second trimester where I'll be feeling better. Hooray! Anyway, after we talked, things have been better, and both of us are trying to express appreciation for the each other and the ways that the other is affected by everything going on. Hopefully we can maintain that equilibrium and make time to enjoy being a family, as well as a couple. It's a lot to balance, but both of us want more for our marriage than the frustration that comes with stress, and we are working to find productive ways to make our marriage better.
Before I finish, I have to say that while I have been sitting here typing, I swear I just felt the baby move twice. And I'm not talking like a little uncertain flutter. I've been trying to convince myself all week that I've just been feeling gas moving with the little flutters I've felt, because I'm only 12 weeks! But I seriously think what I just felt could have been felt from the outside. No lie. It could still be just gas, but it sure felt like a baby. I just can't believe that I would feel that much at 12 weeks! This baby might be a giant...
Saturday, August 18, 2012
August 18, 2012
Well, I've been meaning to get on here and post again for weeks, but every time I think about it, going to bed at 8:30 seems to win out! Phew! Talk about tired! By the time I get home from work, we eat dinner (which the husband usually prepares) and then I hang out on the couch most of the evening until M goes to bed, and then I'm not far behind. So yeah, not lots of blogging getting done. But, I'm 10 weeks, 4 days, and all is well. We have already had 3 ultrasounds- 6wks, 8wks, and 10wks. At the first ultrasound, the heart rate was still a little slower than they wanted to see, although the dr wasn't really concerned, saying that it usually picks up right around 6 weeks, so he just wanted to see it again to double check. They scheduled another ultrasound for 10 weeks, and when we saw the doctor at 8 weeks, they just did a little in-office one to reassure me that there was indeed a strong, fast heart beat. At the most recent one on Tuesday the heart rate was 171. Perfect!
Over the past weeks, I've had a few emotional ups and downs, but, amazingly, mostly ups. Once we saw that little heartbeat again at 8 weeks, I've been able to settle in to this pregnancy and trust that things are going well. I haven't seen a counselor. I did try calling one a few times, but must have had a wrong number because I never got an answer. I've kind of decided to just see how it goes.
As far as giving myself the shots every morning, well, that lasted for 2 weeks. And then suddenly, my hand would no longer move under my command. I literally had to have the hubs push my hand for two days to help me do it until I had another appointment and he could get trained to do it himself. So now every morning he gives me my shot before I leave for work. I hope he doesn't plan on going anywhere for the rest of this pregnancy. :) So grateful for him these days!
The big decision of the past week has been trying to decide whether to have any testing done for Downs syndrome. At my last dr's appointment at 8 weeks we ended up seeing the nurse practitioner because the dr was behind, and she didn't mention it, and I didn't realize how soon the testing would need to be done, so we hadn't talked about it. So when, at the 10 week ultrasound, the other dr asked if we had decided on that testing, we had some talking to do. There was no discussion required as to what a positive test would mean. We both want this baby, and all the genes that come with it. It's just a matter of what we want to know ahead of time. There are a lot of factors that come into play. With MTHFR, there are a couple different types, but one of those types is associated with an increased risk of DS. I'm not sure if it's the one I have or not. I think I have partially decided against looking further into it, at least for the time being. It doesn't really matter, and it's not a huge increase. I have been working with a couple of families of children with DS lately, and with each one, the conversation of whether they knew ahead of time came up either right before or right after I got pregnant. Neither of them knew ahead of time that their baby had DS, and both described the moment they realized something was wrong as really traumatic. Neither baby had any markers show up on an ultrasound, so no testing was done to identify it. One of the moms said she wished she would have known, the other wasn't sure, because she had a friend who did and said that her pregnancy was really difficult. It's hard to know which is the better situation, and I'm sure it's different for everyone.
Both of us really want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, but, more importantly, we really want to enjoy the birth of this baby as a family. We didn't have that with M, because I was under general anesthesia, and the hubs was in the waiting room. He went to M as soon as he was able, and met her all by himself. I still can hardly think about him standing there all alone with the dr talking about odds of survival, surrounded by nurses, monitors, etc. The first time I saw her was so difficult, and I had seen pictures, heard him talking about her for 2 days, and had him standing behind me. I can't imagine anything more difficult. This time, we want something better for our family. If our baby would have DS, then I think the best time for us to adjust to that idea would be while I'm still pregnant. It would be hard, but it would still be our beautiful baby. So we have decided to go ahead and have the test. The waiting period will probably be tough, but I think it will be worth it. Most likely it will be negative, and if it's not, then we'll have time to prepare to welcome our baby into the world.
Our dr's office offers a nuchal translucency (NT) scan and a blood test, and, if that comes back with an "increased risk", a newer genetic test called MaterniT21. This is a blood test (of my blood) that is about 99% accurate. It's also totally safe for the baby, because there is no need to retrieve any amniotic fluid or anything else inside the amniotic sac, as in the amniocentesis. I wouldn't be comfortable with an amniocentesis because of the risk of miscarriage associated with it, but I can handle one more needle prick for myself. My only concern is that the NT scan and blood test are only about 85% accurate, so there's still a chance that they could miss the need for further testing. After asking some questions of Ashley over at Those Newmans, we decided to ask if my dr would skip the pretesting and just do the MaterniT21 test. He wasn't in on Friday, but his nurse called back and said she thinks it should be ok, but she'll have to check with the dr. So we'll see.
Speaking of Those Newmans, Ashley and her blog have played a pretty big role in the decision to test, as well. I originally found her blog while I was googling MTHFR and fertility, and continued to follow it. Her son, Eli was born with DS and they did find out ahead of time. The way they were able to prepare themselves and become excited all over again for the special journey God had mapped out for them helped me to understand that, if necessary, we can do that for our family as well.
With all of the thought and emotions that have been put into this decision, I have to remind myself that the odds of any genetic abnormality are really low. It's a precaution we have decided to take for our family, but odds are, like everything else, it's going to turn out fine!
Over the past weeks, I've had a few emotional ups and downs, but, amazingly, mostly ups. Once we saw that little heartbeat again at 8 weeks, I've been able to settle in to this pregnancy and trust that things are going well. I haven't seen a counselor. I did try calling one a few times, but must have had a wrong number because I never got an answer. I've kind of decided to just see how it goes.
As far as giving myself the shots every morning, well, that lasted for 2 weeks. And then suddenly, my hand would no longer move under my command. I literally had to have the hubs push my hand for two days to help me do it until I had another appointment and he could get trained to do it himself. So now every morning he gives me my shot before I leave for work. I hope he doesn't plan on going anywhere for the rest of this pregnancy. :) So grateful for him these days!
The big decision of the past week has been trying to decide whether to have any testing done for Downs syndrome. At my last dr's appointment at 8 weeks we ended up seeing the nurse practitioner because the dr was behind, and she didn't mention it, and I didn't realize how soon the testing would need to be done, so we hadn't talked about it. So when, at the 10 week ultrasound, the other dr asked if we had decided on that testing, we had some talking to do. There was no discussion required as to what a positive test would mean. We both want this baby, and all the genes that come with it. It's just a matter of what we want to know ahead of time. There are a lot of factors that come into play. With MTHFR, there are a couple different types, but one of those types is associated with an increased risk of DS. I'm not sure if it's the one I have or not. I think I have partially decided against looking further into it, at least for the time being. It doesn't really matter, and it's not a huge increase. I have been working with a couple of families of children with DS lately, and with each one, the conversation of whether they knew ahead of time came up either right before or right after I got pregnant. Neither of them knew ahead of time that their baby had DS, and both described the moment they realized something was wrong as really traumatic. Neither baby had any markers show up on an ultrasound, so no testing was done to identify it. One of the moms said she wished she would have known, the other wasn't sure, because she had a friend who did and said that her pregnancy was really difficult. It's hard to know which is the better situation, and I'm sure it's different for everyone.
Both of us really want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, but, more importantly, we really want to enjoy the birth of this baby as a family. We didn't have that with M, because I was under general anesthesia, and the hubs was in the waiting room. He went to M as soon as he was able, and met her all by himself. I still can hardly think about him standing there all alone with the dr talking about odds of survival, surrounded by nurses, monitors, etc. The first time I saw her was so difficult, and I had seen pictures, heard him talking about her for 2 days, and had him standing behind me. I can't imagine anything more difficult. This time, we want something better for our family. If our baby would have DS, then I think the best time for us to adjust to that idea would be while I'm still pregnant. It would be hard, but it would still be our beautiful baby. So we have decided to go ahead and have the test. The waiting period will probably be tough, but I think it will be worth it. Most likely it will be negative, and if it's not, then we'll have time to prepare to welcome our baby into the world.
Our dr's office offers a nuchal translucency (NT) scan and a blood test, and, if that comes back with an "increased risk", a newer genetic test called MaterniT21. This is a blood test (of my blood) that is about 99% accurate. It's also totally safe for the baby, because there is no need to retrieve any amniotic fluid or anything else inside the amniotic sac, as in the amniocentesis. I wouldn't be comfortable with an amniocentesis because of the risk of miscarriage associated with it, but I can handle one more needle prick for myself. My only concern is that the NT scan and blood test are only about 85% accurate, so there's still a chance that they could miss the need for further testing. After asking some questions of Ashley over at Those Newmans, we decided to ask if my dr would skip the pretesting and just do the MaterniT21 test. He wasn't in on Friday, but his nurse called back and said she thinks it should be ok, but she'll have to check with the dr. So we'll see.
Speaking of Those Newmans, Ashley and her blog have played a pretty big role in the decision to test, as well. I originally found her blog while I was googling MTHFR and fertility, and continued to follow it. Her son, Eli was born with DS and they did find out ahead of time. The way they were able to prepare themselves and become excited all over again for the special journey God had mapped out for them helped me to understand that, if necessary, we can do that for our family as well.
With all of the thought and emotions that have been put into this decision, I have to remind myself that the odds of any genetic abnormality are really low. It's a precaution we have decided to take for our family, but odds are, like everything else, it's going to turn out fine!
Monday, July 9, 2012
A Little Bit of Crazy
I'm so excited! Like, possibly weird excited... I placed an order on Amazon.com for a "Big Sister" shirt for M. We tried to find one locally, then tried making one with an iron-on because we wanted it asap, thinking we would use it to tell my sister and her husband about the baby when they planned to come to our house on the 4th. But the iron-on was a TOTAL failure. As soon as I washed it (per package directions) parts of it peeled off, and when M put it on, the material (of course) stretched and it tore the iron-on to pieces! Boo! So... I just sucked it up and bought one. :) My sister and hubby have already heard the news, but it will be a fun way to share with some other people down the road and a great way for M to get excited about it. She is actually already interested and has been saying she wants "baby Gwert" to come out and play with her toys. I seriously can't believe she hasn't spilled the beans yet. We saw her godparents yesterday and I thought for sure she was going to say something, but she got distracted. Phew! As far as I know, she hasn't said anything to her sitter yet, but then again, the sitter might just be too nice to ask until we bring it up. Fortunately, she's on vacation for the next two weeks and M will be staying with grandparents during the day, so there's one less place to spill it. :)
M was in the best mood this evening. We had so much fun. It's been a rough couple of weeks. She hasn't been sleeping well, meaning she's been up early and her naps have been short, and she just hasn't seemed to feel well. She would say her belly hurt, or her ear hurt, or her arm hurt, but never anything consistently. She would be fine one minute, then melting down about something that typically wouldn't bother her the next minute. She has also been doing A LOT of whining, and yesterday when I told her she needed to use her big girl voice (for the 100th time) she said, "Don't tell me that Mama!" Oy! We finally decided she was constipated, and, after treating that for a few days, she is back on a better schedule of dirty diapers and today is the first day she has seemed like herself (after a 3.5 hour nap to boot! Awesome!). Let me just say, it is so easy to appreciate what a happy girl she is when we've been missing that for a couple weeks! We played outside for the first time in weeks, since the heat has FINALLY broken! It has been in the upper 90s even up until it gets dark, so we have missed that! It was a great evening.
The hubby made a major grocery shopping trip this afternoon. We have started on a meal plan to make grocery shopping and meal prep easier, so he made a big trip to get us started. (Yes, I am a lucky girl to have a man who willingly does a lot of our grocery shopping!) Why is this relevant you ask? Well, I have an unreasonable fear of going to Walmart. Where we live, that's the best, cheapest place to do a one-stop shopping trip. I don't usually have this fear. It's not my favorite place to be, but typically there is no anxiety involved. But when I was pregnant with M, we did one of our big shopping trips, and spent a big chunk of the afternoon walking around the store, finding everything on our list. I was 26ish weeks pregnant and, by the end of it, was having a fair amount of low back pain. Not a big deal, just uncomfortable. So I went home and took a warm bath. The pain got worse and moved up towards my rib cage, and ended up being pretty intense. Over the next 10 days, that pain would come and go, getting progressively worse, until I was diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome on March 11 and M came unexpectedly into the world at 28 weeks, 1 day. Until very recently, maybe the beginning of this year, every time I entered into Walmart, I would think of that. I still do pretty often. I associate it with the beginning of the problems that led to M being born so early. That's not really accurate. I had had elevated blood pressure before then and was on blood pressure medication, although I had no other signs of pre-e. But for whatever reason, that is the moment I associate with the beginning of the end of that pregnancy. I know that it had nothing to do with Walmart, and likely even had little to do with being on my feet so long that one day. That may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but I doubt it. I'm pretty sure it would have happened one way or another. The warm bath could have exacerbated the liver inflammation that was already coming on (in fact, I'm pretty sure it did, because both that time and a later time that I took warm baths I ended up in a lot of pain) but that wasn't the root of the problem. But, even though my logical brain knows these things, I find myself wanting to avoid doing any major shopping at Walmart now that I'm pregnant again. I did offer to go along today. I haven't even mentioned to my husband that I feel this way, mainly because I didn't realize it until he was there today. I'm sure if I tell him he will continue to be amazing and take over all the shopping for the duration. But I'm pretty sure I just need to get over it. I'll tell him about it, and maybe next time we'll go together, and I'll be more aware of how long I'm on my feet. They have benches, after all! Or I won't. It's not the hardest place for me to avoid for the next 9 months. Either way, this baby is going to be safe and healthy, and grow big and strong, all the way to term! And I'm pretty sure Walmart isn't going to be the deal-breaker.
M was in the best mood this evening. We had so much fun. It's been a rough couple of weeks. She hasn't been sleeping well, meaning she's been up early and her naps have been short, and she just hasn't seemed to feel well. She would say her belly hurt, or her ear hurt, or her arm hurt, but never anything consistently. She would be fine one minute, then melting down about something that typically wouldn't bother her the next minute. She has also been doing A LOT of whining, and yesterday when I told her she needed to use her big girl voice (for the 100th time) she said, "Don't tell me that Mama!" Oy! We finally decided she was constipated, and, after treating that for a few days, she is back on a better schedule of dirty diapers and today is the first day she has seemed like herself (after a 3.5 hour nap to boot! Awesome!). Let me just say, it is so easy to appreciate what a happy girl she is when we've been missing that for a couple weeks! We played outside for the first time in weeks, since the heat has FINALLY broken! It has been in the upper 90s even up until it gets dark, so we have missed that! It was a great evening.
The hubby made a major grocery shopping trip this afternoon. We have started on a meal plan to make grocery shopping and meal prep easier, so he made a big trip to get us started. (Yes, I am a lucky girl to have a man who willingly does a lot of our grocery shopping!) Why is this relevant you ask? Well, I have an unreasonable fear of going to Walmart. Where we live, that's the best, cheapest place to do a one-stop shopping trip. I don't usually have this fear. It's not my favorite place to be, but typically there is no anxiety involved. But when I was pregnant with M, we did one of our big shopping trips, and spent a big chunk of the afternoon walking around the store, finding everything on our list. I was 26ish weeks pregnant and, by the end of it, was having a fair amount of low back pain. Not a big deal, just uncomfortable. So I went home and took a warm bath. The pain got worse and moved up towards my rib cage, and ended up being pretty intense. Over the next 10 days, that pain would come and go, getting progressively worse, until I was diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome on March 11 and M came unexpectedly into the world at 28 weeks, 1 day. Until very recently, maybe the beginning of this year, every time I entered into Walmart, I would think of that. I still do pretty often. I associate it with the beginning of the problems that led to M being born so early. That's not really accurate. I had had elevated blood pressure before then and was on blood pressure medication, although I had no other signs of pre-e. But for whatever reason, that is the moment I associate with the beginning of the end of that pregnancy. I know that it had nothing to do with Walmart, and likely even had little to do with being on my feet so long that one day. That may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but I doubt it. I'm pretty sure it would have happened one way or another. The warm bath could have exacerbated the liver inflammation that was already coming on (in fact, I'm pretty sure it did, because both that time and a later time that I took warm baths I ended up in a lot of pain) but that wasn't the root of the problem. But, even though my logical brain knows these things, I find myself wanting to avoid doing any major shopping at Walmart now that I'm pregnant again. I did offer to go along today. I haven't even mentioned to my husband that I feel this way, mainly because I didn't realize it until he was there today. I'm sure if I tell him he will continue to be amazing and take over all the shopping for the duration. But I'm pretty sure I just need to get over it. I'll tell him about it, and maybe next time we'll go together, and I'll be more aware of how long I'm on my feet. They have benches, after all! Or I won't. It's not the hardest place for me to avoid for the next 9 months. Either way, this baby is going to be safe and healthy, and grow big and strong, all the way to term! And I'm pretty sure Walmart isn't going to be the deal-breaker.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Feelin' Good!
Over the past few days, the idea of having baby #2 on the way has been sinking in. I thought I would be more anxious, given our history, but actually, I'm just really excited! I just feel good about what is to come! I know there are no guarantees, but my goal is to enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible and to give this baby the healthiest start possible, regardless of how long he/she stays inside of me. I know that, on the off chance that baby should decide to come early, the healthier I have been the healthier and stronger he/she will be. But I feel good! :)
That being said, I know myself well enough to know that I won't feel so positive every day. Overall, I am a positive person, but I am also a realist. I imagine that most of the time I will feel happy and optimistic and good, but that, once in a while, the reality of the situation will overwhelm me. The possibilities may loom and I'll want to freak out. And because I want to deal with all of the emotions coming my way in the healthiest way possible, I have decided to work a therapist throughout my pregnancy to achieve that. My goal is to make an appointment to get established with someone in the near future, and then basically have them available so that I can make an appointment if needed. That way, when I do have the urge to freak out, I'll have some one to call and strategies to help me deal with it. I feel good about that decision, so now I just have to take the step of picking someone and making the call.
We have tried to simply explain what's going on to M. She's only two, so what she understands is pretty limited, but oh my gosh, it's so cute! When we told my Dad, we had her tell him, and she said, "Mama's pregnick!" We have been calling the baby Baby Squirt so that she has something to call it, and she pronounces is "Baby Gwert." In the morning and before bed we pray for baby to stay safe and grow big and strong, and the last two nights, when we were finished, she said, "I love Baby Gwert bunches and bunches!" That's a good way to bring tears to a mama's eyes! It just made my heart swell so big! I feel so blessed to be at a place in our lives where we can expand our family to four. I know it will be crazy, but it will also be so good!
On Monday morning, after finding out we were pregnant, I had three doctors to call: Dr P, who put me on the Clomid, Dr S, the RE, and Dr W, my MFM. I spoke with Dr P's nurse, who congratulated me and said she would let Dr P know. Then I called Dr S's office to cancel our infertility appointment. As much as I would have loved to go through with that appointment to get some questions answered, particularly about PCOS, I am so happy not to need it! I also called Dr W's office to set up my first prenatal appointment. For some reason, that had to be complicated. The first person who answered the phone sent me to the voicemail of someone who sets up new patient appointments because that's their policy for a new pregnancy, even though I'm an established patient. That person called back to update my information, but it was already up to date since I was just in there last month. The a third person, a nurse, called later to tell me that it's too early to do anything, but I should wait until I have missed my period be at least a week, which by my calculations is tomorrow, but by hers isn't until next Wednesday, 7/11. At that point, they will order blood work, see where my HCG levels are, and schedule my appoint and first ultrasound accordingly. That's all well and good, and I understand the reasoning behind it, but I sure would like to have an appointment on the books! I think I would just feel better knowing when that it is coming, but also, it would be nice logistically. My husband and I both have jobs that involve a lot of scheduling and, with notice, it's pretty easy to schedule around other things, but it's a lot harder without knowing in advance. Oh well, we'll make it work. :)
I'll leave you with the phrase that I have been repeating to myself and my husband daily. I warned him that he'll probably hear it a lot over the next nine months, but that I have to say it out loud. **This is going to be a long, healthy, perfect pregnancy!!!**
That being said, I know myself well enough to know that I won't feel so positive every day. Overall, I am a positive person, but I am also a realist. I imagine that most of the time I will feel happy and optimistic and good, but that, once in a while, the reality of the situation will overwhelm me. The possibilities may loom and I'll want to freak out. And because I want to deal with all of the emotions coming my way in the healthiest way possible, I have decided to work a therapist throughout my pregnancy to achieve that. My goal is to make an appointment to get established with someone in the near future, and then basically have them available so that I can make an appointment if needed. That way, when I do have the urge to freak out, I'll have some one to call and strategies to help me deal with it. I feel good about that decision, so now I just have to take the step of picking someone and making the call.
We have tried to simply explain what's going on to M. She's only two, so what she understands is pretty limited, but oh my gosh, it's so cute! When we told my Dad, we had her tell him, and she said, "Mama's pregnick!" We have been calling the baby Baby Squirt so that she has something to call it, and she pronounces is "Baby Gwert." In the morning and before bed we pray for baby to stay safe and grow big and strong, and the last two nights, when we were finished, she said, "I love Baby Gwert bunches and bunches!" That's a good way to bring tears to a mama's eyes! It just made my heart swell so big! I feel so blessed to be at a place in our lives where we can expand our family to four. I know it will be crazy, but it will also be so good!
On Monday morning, after finding out we were pregnant, I had three doctors to call: Dr P, who put me on the Clomid, Dr S, the RE, and Dr W, my MFM. I spoke with Dr P's nurse, who congratulated me and said she would let Dr P know. Then I called Dr S's office to cancel our infertility appointment. As much as I would have loved to go through with that appointment to get some questions answered, particularly about PCOS, I am so happy not to need it! I also called Dr W's office to set up my first prenatal appointment. For some reason, that had to be complicated. The first person who answered the phone sent me to the voicemail of someone who sets up new patient appointments because that's their policy for a new pregnancy, even though I'm an established patient. That person called back to update my information, but it was already up to date since I was just in there last month. The a third person, a nurse, called later to tell me that it's too early to do anything, but I should wait until I have missed my period be at least a week, which by my calculations is tomorrow, but by hers isn't until next Wednesday, 7/11. At that point, they will order blood work, see where my HCG levels are, and schedule my appoint and first ultrasound accordingly. That's all well and good, and I understand the reasoning behind it, but I sure would like to have an appointment on the books! I think I would just feel better knowing when that it is coming, but also, it would be nice logistically. My husband and I both have jobs that involve a lot of scheduling and, with notice, it's pretty easy to schedule around other things, but it's a lot harder without knowing in advance. Oh well, we'll make it work. :)
I'll leave you with the phrase that I have been repeating to myself and my husband daily. I warned him that he'll probably hear it a lot over the next nine months, but that I have to say it out loud. **This is going to be a long, healthy, perfect pregnancy!!!**
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