Well, there's good news and there's bad news. I am pretty sure I ovulated on Tuesday (cd16). Hooray! Awesome right? The Clomid seems to have actually worked! The bad news is that I had ZERO signs. My cervix was clamped down tight, I had one tiny patch of very sticky cm, and that's it. For that reason, although the hubs and I have been on an "every other day schedule" when I attempted to woo the hubs Tuesday night and we ended up in an argument, I thought, "Well, it's not like I'm ovulating anyway," and we missed our chance. Seriously?!? When I woke up the next morning at 6 and had that first high temp, we did our business then, hoping for the best, but I know that chances are slim at that point. I would like to think that Sunday may have been recent enough, but with no real fertile cm, I seriously doubt it. Soooo.... I guess there's a chance, and that's nice to know, however small. That's a change from the past four months, since I haven't ovulated since early Feb.
A very good friend found out Tuesday that she is preggo. They have been trying for 10 months now, and I couldn't be happier. Her son is three weeks older than M (although he should have been 3 months older). It's still VERY early, so no one else knows yet, but I feel special and honored that she shared her exciting news with me! I can honestly say that hearing her news makes me purely happy. I would love to share another pregnancy experience with her, but whether or not I end up pregnant this cycle, I have no hesitation in celebrating with her.
There is a very small and silly part of me that feels like if we would be pregnant and due at the same time, I surely would have to go to term or close. Surely God wouldn't give me another preemie and then make me watch my best friend and her baby grow so big. Obviously, I don't presume to know God's plan or purpose. It just seems like that would be an unnecessary pain, so if we were due at the same time it would have to make everything ok. But logic prevails and I know that there are no guarantees, regardless of signs, coincidences, or anything else. Even someone with no history of problems has no guarantees. I just have that fact in my face more than most.
So it would probably be a good thing if I would be a month or even two behind her, just to keep me from comparing and having to watch her finish her pregnancy if I don't make it to term. The logical side of my brain knows that very well.
In other news, I decided to "take the plunge" and call an RE. I talked to a friend who has been dealing with infertility for a long time and asked her for a recommendation. I just don't know where to start looking for that sort of doctor without asking someone who has seen one. She recommended two, both of whom she likes a lot, but one of whom is cheaper, more aggressive, and has appointments in about a week versus a month or two. So that was an easy decision. Although I know now that I am able to ovulate using a low dose of Clomid, I feel like the risk of multiples and the fact that the Clomid resulted in no other fertility signs warrants a visit with a specialist. I am hoping that he will be able to weigh the risks and benefits of Clomid, figure out the reason my cycles are so unpredictable and far between, and figure out the best way to get me ovulating and fertile so that we can make a baby! I just feel like with my medical history of homozygous MTHFR, Factor V Leiden mutation, severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome on top of whatever is causing me not to ovulate, I need someone who has knowledge in all of these areas and can consider all factors when deciding on the best course of action. So that appointment is next Friday. Just a week away! That will be 10 dpo, so I may start my period that day, which would be unfortunate, but when I called and read his website, I was told that we will start with a consult, then a medical exam and work-up, then a talk with the RE himself to discuss a plan. So I really think that we will leave there with a plan! Hooray! It may just be another round of Clomid while using Pre-Seed, but I'm fine with that if he feels the risks are small enough. Hopefully it will be a worthwhile appointment and we can leave with more knowledge than we have now.
It's going to be a good month!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
Frustration!
I had my appointment with Dr W yesterday, but I don't even think he knew why I was there. I saw him last fall for a "pre-conception consult" to basically discuss the game plan for the next time I would be pregnant, and I think he thought that's why I was there yesterday. He started telling me about all the things we're going to do once I'm pregnant to try and prevent or delay severe pre-eclampsia again. But I already know all of that because we've already had that discussion. When I called, I told his nurse all about my concerns with possible PCOS and Clomid vs metformin, and she said "I think that would be a great conversation for you to have with Dr Webb." I asked if I could talk with him on the phone to avoid having to take the afternoon off work and driving an hour each way, but she said he would want to see me in his office. Fair enough. But I really wish she would have talked to him about it first because he basically just told me that he or Dr P aren't qualified to make the decisions and diagnoses based on my situation. He told me that he wouldn't recommend going over 100mg of Clomid because of the risk of multiples. Specifically, twins would double my chances of severe pre-e. He thought I should give it 2-3 cycles with Clomid, and if I'm not pregnant, regardless of whether I have ovulated with it, I should go see a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) who can figure out exactly what's going on and figure out the best way to help me get pregnant with ONE baby. I really feel like they could have told me over the phone that he wouldn't be able to answer my questions, but whatever. They have my $40 copay, so hopefully that makes them happy.
Based on what he said, I really don't think I'm going to wait 2-3 cycles. If I don't ovulate or get pregnant with this round of Clomid I'm just going to see an RE. I was thinking about calling and setting up the appointment and just canceling it if I get pregnant. I imagine they take at least a month to get in anyway. A friend/co-worker who has PCOS and a complicated history as well has a doctor she loves. He's not technically an RE, but worked with one and did a lot of training with him, and basically has a lot of the same knowledge. She loves him and wants me to see him. I haven't decided yet. Part of me likes the idea of seeing some one I have a good referral to, but the other part of me wants to just go straight to the top and skip the possibility of having to involve yet another doctor. The other benefit is that he shouldn't be hard to get into- maybe a couple weeks or so. I am thinking about calling and explaining my situation and seeing if he thinks he could help me or if I should go elsewhere. I've been burned with that before though, when nurses say they want me to come in, and then at the appointment the doctor says they can't really help me or they just don't have any new information from any of the other doctors I've seen. Yesterday wasn't the first time! I guess I'll ponder it this weekend and hope I ovulate and get KU so I don't have to worry about it!
The good thing that came out of my appointment yesterday is that Dr W realized he hadn't taught me how to give myself shots. I will have to give myself daily shots of blood thinner immediately, as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test, so he gave the the prescription to have ready and a nurse showed me how to do it. I was a teensy bit nervous, but it didn't hurt a bit! Hooray! Ok, so it's an almost microscopic needle, and I'm not even afraid of needles, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick one into my own belly. But after trying once, it'll be no problem! I'll have to get creative about covering bruises for my maternity pics though!
The less good thing that came from my appointment, besides all the unanswered questions, was a bit of a freakout. When Dr W started talking about the risk that would go along with twins, I started getting really nervous. Are we doing the right thing by trying again? I wouldn't change anything about our little girl, but I hate that she had to go through so much when she was so small. She is an amazing, strong fighter, but no baby should have to be a fighter! I don't want to do that to another baby. We are so blessed that she has done so well. She "caught up" earlier than the doctors expected and has no real lasting issues from her stint in the NICU, but it didn't have to go that way. Things could go worse next time. I know this is what we want, but when I left the doctor's office yesterday, I felt selfish. Is it stupid to want to try this again? I know this risks aren't as high as they could be, but they're not low enough to be comfortable. And I'm scared. What if things go wrong? I don't want to find myself in another fight for my and/or my baby's life.
I know myself well enough to know that there are days I'm going to feel this way. Most of the time I'm excited about the prospect of another baby and optimistic about having a healthy pregnancy, but there are moments when the risks throw themselves in my face. Yesterday was the first time since our daughter was in the hospital where I really questioned whether we should do this again.
We will try, and odds are good that we will have a healthy baby at least fairly close to term. If not, we'll deal with whatever comes our way. God has it under control, but this is definitely one moment where the idea that He won't give us more than we can handle is not a comfort. It's not that I don't think we could handle anything that comes our way, it's just that there are lots of possibilities that I just don't want to! Today I feel much better and much more optimistic, although still recovering a bit from the anxiety of yesterday. But we're off to the river this weekend for some sun and relaxation with the fam for Father's Day!
Based on what he said, I really don't think I'm going to wait 2-3 cycles. If I don't ovulate or get pregnant with this round of Clomid I'm just going to see an RE. I was thinking about calling and setting up the appointment and just canceling it if I get pregnant. I imagine they take at least a month to get in anyway. A friend/co-worker who has PCOS and a complicated history as well has a doctor she loves. He's not technically an RE, but worked with one and did a lot of training with him, and basically has a lot of the same knowledge. She loves him and wants me to see him. I haven't decided yet. Part of me likes the idea of seeing some one I have a good referral to, but the other part of me wants to just go straight to the top and skip the possibility of having to involve yet another doctor. The other benefit is that he shouldn't be hard to get into- maybe a couple weeks or so. I am thinking about calling and explaining my situation and seeing if he thinks he could help me or if I should go elsewhere. I've been burned with that before though, when nurses say they want me to come in, and then at the appointment the doctor says they can't really help me or they just don't have any new information from any of the other doctors I've seen. Yesterday wasn't the first time! I guess I'll ponder it this weekend and hope I ovulate and get KU so I don't have to worry about it!
The good thing that came out of my appointment yesterday is that Dr W realized he hadn't taught me how to give myself shots. I will have to give myself daily shots of blood thinner immediately, as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test, so he gave the the prescription to have ready and a nurse showed me how to do it. I was a teensy bit nervous, but it didn't hurt a bit! Hooray! Ok, so it's an almost microscopic needle, and I'm not even afraid of needles, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick one into my own belly. But after trying once, it'll be no problem! I'll have to get creative about covering bruises for my maternity pics though!
The less good thing that came from my appointment, besides all the unanswered questions, was a bit of a freakout. When Dr W started talking about the risk that would go along with twins, I started getting really nervous. Are we doing the right thing by trying again? I wouldn't change anything about our little girl, but I hate that she had to go through so much when she was so small. She is an amazing, strong fighter, but no baby should have to be a fighter! I don't want to do that to another baby. We are so blessed that she has done so well. She "caught up" earlier than the doctors expected and has no real lasting issues from her stint in the NICU, but it didn't have to go that way. Things could go worse next time. I know this is what we want, but when I left the doctor's office yesterday, I felt selfish. Is it stupid to want to try this again? I know this risks aren't as high as they could be, but they're not low enough to be comfortable. And I'm scared. What if things go wrong? I don't want to find myself in another fight for my and/or my baby's life.
I know myself well enough to know that there are days I'm going to feel this way. Most of the time I'm excited about the prospect of another baby and optimistic about having a healthy pregnancy, but there are moments when the risks throw themselves in my face. Yesterday was the first time since our daughter was in the hospital where I really questioned whether we should do this again.
We will try, and odds are good that we will have a healthy baby at least fairly close to term. If not, we'll deal with whatever comes our way. God has it under control, but this is definitely one moment where the idea that He won't give us more than we can handle is not a comfort. It's not that I don't think we could handle anything that comes our way, it's just that there are lots of possibilities that I just don't want to! Today I feel much better and much more optimistic, although still recovering a bit from the anxiety of yesterday. But we're off to the river this weekend for some sun and relaxation with the fam for Father's Day!
Friday, June 8, 2012
What a Week!
Phew! TGIF! I still have to go to my work picnic this evening and work a game booth, but boy am I glad to have the weekend coming up. This week has been full of... well... just FULL! I had a continuing ed course Wednesday, so I had to get all my home visits scheduled the other 4 days of the week, which meant that I worked at least a little late every night besides Tuesday, which was supposed to be when I went to my dr appointment with my specialist, Dr W. Sunday night we went to a local Blue Grass concert, and M came down with a fever. I brought her to her pediatrician Monday morning, basically just in time for an almost total recovery that made me look like an idiot for bringing her in. Oh well! My mom called it payback... Then, Monday night after work, we went to my in-laws' house for dinner to celebrate M's "Coming Home Day", because two years ago on June 4, she FINALLY came home from the hospital after 12 weeks and 1 day. She was feeling 95% better, so it was a fun day to celebrate. It's amazing to look at her now and see how far she's come. She truly is our miracle girl. She's still a little small for her age, but otherwise you'd never know where she started. She is talking above her age level (things are getting interesting... and hilarious) and recently told me that my hairy legs "are spicy", you know, like salsa... Makes me wonder how salsa makes her mouth feel! She is so much fun right now! We celebrate her birthday in March with my family, but my in-laws are typically still in Florida that time of year, so we celebrate her Coming Home Day with them. Anyway, Tuesday, Dr W was called in for surgery so my appointment was rescheduled for next Thursday. That was a little frustrating, but I didn't think anything would be happening before then anyway. Wednesday evening we got a call that someone wanted to see our house on Thursday (it's for sale) which was excellent, except that it looked like a toy store threw up and the dishwasher exploded all at the same time. So, after M went to bed, Matt went to mow the grass and I got started cleaning inside. After mowing most of the yard, Matt was backing up with the mower, stepped off the curb, and sprained his ankle. Argh! Basically, that meant that he spent the rest of the evening on the couch with ice while I finished the yard and cleaned house until 1:00am to get it ready for the next day. But, I must have done well, because we heard this morning that the women who looked at it said we're #2 on her list of houses now. Our house has been on the market since last August, so it sure would be nice to get it sold!
On Monday morning, when I was waiting with M to see her doctor, I had some pretty sharp cramping, but had a BM later, so I didn't think much of it. That evening, when checking my cervix, I noticed I was spotting just a little. Not enough that I would have even known if I hadn't been checking. However, that has continued all week, and today is my fifth day of spotting. Because it was so light, I didn't think anything of it until last night, when I realized that it had been 4 days. I REALLY don't think it's a period, but I was afraid that if it was, I would miss this cycle for the Clomid. So, I called Dr P this morning and explained the situation. It's unusual for me to spot in the middle of my cycle, especially consistently for 5 days in a row, and I wanted to just check with him on it. Next Tuesday is day 32, at which point he would have started me on Prometrium to induce a period anyway. He called back about noon today and said that he would go ahead and count this as a period, just to be safe. He said that with women who aren't ovulating, you can sometimes start Clomid at any point in their cycle anyway, so it wouldn't hurt. So, that means I'm starting on Clomid TODAY! Holy moly! Here I thought it would be the end of the month before taking the Clomid and the beginning of July before possibly being fertile, but things just got bumped up! So we shall see. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up that it will work on the first try and lowest dose, but I think just for today I will be happy before trying to temper my excitement. Why not, right? If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for good results! I guess I'll still keep my appointment with Dr W next Thursday, even though I'll be done with the Clomid by then. Maybe he'll have some other input. When I was on the phone with Dr P he told me to start watching for ovulation about 5-9 days after I take my last pill, but I was so excited, I forgot to ask how long I should wait before assuming it's not going to happen. Hopefully it will happen right away and that won't be an issue. But it looks like I'll be checking in with Dr Google in the mean time. Happy ovulating to me!!
Edit: Just after I finished, Matt came down the steps and said the real estate agent called him and said that the lady decided on another house... dang...
On Monday morning, when I was waiting with M to see her doctor, I had some pretty sharp cramping, but had a BM later, so I didn't think much of it. That evening, when checking my cervix, I noticed I was spotting just a little. Not enough that I would have even known if I hadn't been checking. However, that has continued all week, and today is my fifth day of spotting. Because it was so light, I didn't think anything of it until last night, when I realized that it had been 4 days. I REALLY don't think it's a period, but I was afraid that if it was, I would miss this cycle for the Clomid. So, I called Dr P this morning and explained the situation. It's unusual for me to spot in the middle of my cycle, especially consistently for 5 days in a row, and I wanted to just check with him on it. Next Tuesday is day 32, at which point he would have started me on Prometrium to induce a period anyway. He called back about noon today and said that he would go ahead and count this as a period, just to be safe. He said that with women who aren't ovulating, you can sometimes start Clomid at any point in their cycle anyway, so it wouldn't hurt. So, that means I'm starting on Clomid TODAY! Holy moly! Here I thought it would be the end of the month before taking the Clomid and the beginning of July before possibly being fertile, but things just got bumped up! So we shall see. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up that it will work on the first try and lowest dose, but I think just for today I will be happy before trying to temper my excitement. Why not, right? If anyone is reading this, say a prayer for good results! I guess I'll still keep my appointment with Dr W next Thursday, even though I'll be done with the Clomid by then. Maybe he'll have some other input. When I was on the phone with Dr P he told me to start watching for ovulation about 5-9 days after I take my last pill, but I was so excited, I forgot to ask how long I should wait before assuming it's not going to happen. Hopefully it will happen right away and that won't be an issue. But it looks like I'll be checking in with Dr Google in the mean time. Happy ovulating to me!!
Edit: Just after I finished, Matt came down the steps and said the real estate agent called him and said that the lady decided on another house... dang...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)