May 18, 2012

Wow, it's been a while! So let's see. I started the 10 day round of progesterone (Prometrium), and Dr P told me that I would start on either the last day of the pill or within the following 5 days, if I was to start at all. In fact, I spotted on day 9 and 10, then started my period the following day. It was very light, but I think maybe that makes sense since I never did ovulate?? Either way, I'm just happy to have started my period at all, thank you very much 83 day cycle!!! So now, I'm on CD7 (not counting the first two days of minimal spotting) and have until CD18 to ovulate on my own before Dr P wants to step in and try Clomid. He didn't sound extremely hopeful that I would ovulate on my own, but I hopeful that I will. I feel like my body has responded to the progesterone in a big way (holy exhaustion Batman!) and since I ovulated last time I came off BCP I think it could happen. I sure hope so! I don't know what I'm going to do once I do get pregnant! I feel like last time we got pregnant so quickly once we decided to go for it, and then I was totally naive to anything that could go wrong until it did, and then, surprise, M was here that day! And there was no time to think about anything because we found ourselves smack in the middle of the NICU roller coaster! This time around, I'm so focused on getting pregnant and now needing help to ovulate, but when I think about pregnancy, I just see so many different possibilities outside of a typical, healthy pregnancy. I know I will be giving myself daily blood thinner shots, so normal basically goes out the window right there, but if that's all the "abnormal" I have to deal with, I will be a happy camper. I keep thinking about potential bedrest more than anything. My MTFM, Dr W, made me feel like getting at least close to term is pretty likely with his game plan of blood thinners, and predicted 34-36 weeks, which sound FABULOUS!! He thought that we might be looking at a NICU stay of 2 weeks or less. If someone would have told me that be before M made her grand entrance, I think I would have been devastated, but after 12 weeks in the NICU, 2 weeks sounds very do-able. I want nothing more than to leave the hospital with my baby though. I always think about what that would feel like, and it just seems to amazing to even fathom. On the other hand, Dr W did say that if I show even a hint of pre-e, like high blood pressure, swelling, protein, anything at all, he will put me on bedrest. Soooo... then I signed up for short-term disability for work, so I have 6 months covered there. One less thing to worry about. But there are just so many unknowns (even more than a typical pregnancy) and I basically can't plan anything until I get there. There are only so many back up plans a person can make! So for now I focus my thoughts on getting pregnant (as if that helps) and pregnancy and all the what-ifs that go with it are just a bridge I will have to cross when I get there. And by "bridge", I mean like a thousand bridges to cross before holding that baby in my arms! One way or another, we'll get there!There's an almost superstitious part of me that doesn't want to try to imagine too many possibilities, because I'm afraid that God's is going to try and surprise me, and if I think I have all the possibilities figured out, he'll just have to come up with a really creative way to catch me off guard... I definitely believe God has a sense of humor. :)