Monday, July 9, 2012

A Little Bit of Crazy

I'm so excited! Like, possibly weird excited... I placed an order on Amazon.com for a "Big Sister" shirt for M. We tried to find one locally, then tried making one with an iron-on because we wanted it asap, thinking we would use it to tell my sister and her husband about the baby when they planned to come to our house on the 4th. But the iron-on was a TOTAL failure. As soon as I washed it (per package directions) parts of it peeled off, and when M put it on, the material (of course) stretched and it tore the iron-on to pieces! Boo! So... I just sucked it up and bought one. :) My sister and hubby have already heard the news, but it will be a fun way to share with some other people down the road and a great way for M to get excited about it. She is actually already interested and has been  saying she wants "baby Gwert" to come out and play with her toys. I seriously can't believe she hasn't spilled the beans yet. We saw her godparents yesterday and I thought for sure she was going to say something, but she got distracted. Phew! As far as I know, she hasn't said anything to her sitter yet, but then again, the sitter might just be too nice to ask until we bring it up. Fortunately, she's on vacation for the next two weeks and M will be staying with grandparents during the day, so there's one less place to spill it. :)
M was in the best mood this evening. We had so much fun. It's been a rough couple of weeks. She hasn't been sleeping well, meaning she's been up early and her naps have been short, and she just hasn't seemed to feel well. She would say her belly hurt, or her ear hurt, or her arm hurt, but never anything consistently. She would be fine one minute, then melting down about something that typically wouldn't bother her the next minute. She has also been doing A LOT of whining, and yesterday when I told her she needed to use her big girl voice (for the 100th time) she said, "Don't tell me that Mama!" Oy! We finally decided she was constipated, and, after treating that for a few days, she is back on a better schedule of dirty diapers and today is the first day she has seemed like herself (after a 3.5 hour nap to boot! Awesome!). Let me just say, it is so easy to appreciate what a happy girl she is when we've been missing that for a couple weeks! We played outside for the first time in weeks, since the heat has FINALLY broken! It has been in the upper 90s even up until it gets dark, so we have missed that! It was a great evening.
The hubby made a major grocery shopping trip this afternoon. We have started on a meal plan to make grocery shopping and meal prep easier, so he made a big trip to get us started. (Yes, I am a lucky girl to have a man who willingly does a lot of our grocery shopping!) Why is this relevant you ask? Well, I have an unreasonable fear of going to Walmart. Where we live, that's the best, cheapest place to do a one-stop shopping trip. I don't usually have this fear. It's not my favorite place to be, but typically there is no anxiety involved. But when I was pregnant with M, we did one of our big shopping trips, and spent a big chunk of the afternoon walking around the store, finding everything on our list. I was 26ish weeks pregnant and, by the end of it, was having a fair amount of low back pain. Not a big deal, just uncomfortable. So I went home and took a warm bath. The pain got worse and moved up towards my rib cage, and ended up being pretty intense. Over the next 10 days, that pain would come and go, getting progressively worse, until I was diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome on March 11 and M came unexpectedly into the world at 28 weeks, 1 day. Until very recently, maybe the beginning of this year, every time I entered into Walmart, I  would think of that. I still do pretty often. I associate it with the beginning of the problems that led to M being born so early. That's not really accurate. I had had elevated blood pressure before then and was on blood pressure medication, although I had no other signs of pre-e. But for whatever reason, that is the moment I associate with the beginning of the end of that pregnancy. I know that it had nothing to do with Walmart, and likely even had little to do with being on my feet so long that one day. That may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, but I doubt it. I'm pretty sure it would have happened one way or another. The warm bath could have exacerbated the liver inflammation that was already coming on (in fact, I'm pretty sure it did, because both that time and a later time that I took warm baths I ended up in a lot of pain) but that wasn't the root of the problem. But, even though my logical brain knows these things, I find myself wanting to avoid doing any major shopping at Walmart now that I'm pregnant again. I did offer to go along today. I haven't even mentioned to my husband that I feel this way, mainly because I didn't realize it until he was there today. I'm sure if I tell him he will continue to be amazing and take over all the shopping for the duration. But I'm pretty sure I just need to get over it. I'll tell him about it, and maybe next time we'll go together, and I'll be more aware of how long I'm on my feet. They have benches, after all! Or I won't. It's not the hardest place for me to avoid for the next 9 months. Either way, this baby is going to be safe and healthy, and grow big and strong, all the way to term! And I'm pretty sure Walmart isn't going to be the deal-breaker.

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